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| sometimes i get really depressed about my looks.
i know im pretty but i wont ever be beautiful.
i will always look average no matter how hard i try.
no matter how long it takes me to straighten my hair, it will never get fully straight.
no matter how wavy my hair is, it will never keep volume.
no matter how much makeup i put on, i will never look older.
no matter how much sleep i get, i will always look tired.
no matter how healthy i may be, i will always look sick.
no matter how much i tan, i will always look pale.
no matter what kind of clothes i wear, it will always look bad on me.
i just will never look beautiful.
maybe its the media that did this to me.
maybe its the people the still tell me that my sister is prettier.
maybe its my low self confidence that makes me feel ugly.
but i hate the fact that i am jealous of every girl i see because they are prettier than me.
i hate the fact that no matter how HARD I TRY, i will never be good enough.
i hate that fact that when my sister has cute friends over, i feel like a disappointment.
im sure they think ''nikki is so pretty, im sure her sister will be cute."
and then when they see me they just laugh.
i have had one real boyfriend my whole life.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
my looks.
my personality.
my sense of humor.
that is what is wrong with me.
i just dont think ill ever be beautiful.
just pretty.
average.
good thing its jabronis wednesday.
i need to drink my feelings away tonight. | | |
| where to start?
friday - went to a costume party and didnt dress up.
because i was not informed it was a costume party.
and to be honest, i didnt care.
it was nice for a bit.
i was really drunk.
some people there really bothered me that i used to not be bother by.
and the people i expected to be mean to me, were actually really nice.
it was good time, but i didnt really feel like i fit in.
and im okay with that now. because of my life changing experience last night.
last night -
first went to a party at ATO. talk about uncomfortable.
more underage drinking and sluts at that party than i have ever seen in my life.
i did not want to dance. i did not to be there.
it was the kind of party, where if someone ran it to you, it was your fault.
and not to mention that not a single guy noticed me.
because i was not dressed as a slut for halloween (what a good ol' holiday! NOT)
we ended up leaving soon to go to a party on main street.
and i had the best time of my life at that party.
why, you may ask?
let me tell you!
because not a single person judged me at the party.
every single person there was nice.
when they bumped into me - they said excuse me.
there was no drama. everyone was laid back.
and i even danced! yes! i danced at a party!! in front of people for at least an hour.
and let me tell you. everyone there was good at dancing and they still did not judge me.
i felt so comfortable with myself.
i liked who i was at that party, because i was being myself.
i couldnt be myself at the party on friday, because all of those people i have hung out with before and
i feel like they dont know the real me. and i dont think they ever will.
i couldnt be myself at the ATO party because im not a normal college party person.
but the main street party - has completely changed my idea of life.
and its hard to explain but i am really glad that it did.
anyways - enough about my party weekend.
i am sad halloween is over, but im excited for christmas.
i plan on watching the first season of 'are you afraid of the dark" soon.
i will be starting a band soon.
because i feel like trying to follow my dreams.
dont judge.
have a good day! :) | | |
| you never were and you never will be mine. | | |
| today is just a very depressing day for me.
im just laying in bed because there is nothing to do.
my mom and rojo are on vacation.
my dad is moving/wont answer my calls.
my sister is in argenta.
my best friends are in dekalb, marion and freeport.
im just laying in bed.
doing nothing but watching a depressing movie on lifetime
being depressed about being lonely.
lonelyfortherestofmyfuckinglife. UGHJOAGLNKmqa a
| | |
| Not only is my step mom pregnant.
there is a CHANCE that it might be QUINTS.
YES.
FIVE KIDS AT ONCE.
New show on TLC: Tom and Cherie plus nine living in a 3 bedroom townhouse? | | |
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